11 April 2010

Party time

One of the things I had considered a positive aspect of my girls getting older was that I might be able to have the occasional alcoholic drink. A couple of weeks ago we went away for the weekend for a friend's 30th. It was the first 30th in our main circle of friends so it was a much- anticipated shin dig.

Missy Moo2 was almost weaned so I thought I might be able to partake in a vino or 2. I built it up during the course of the evening while I was getting bub to sleep that I was quite excited by the time the opportunity arose to have a sip. You see, due to pregnancies, preparation for same and breastfeeding, there has been around six months out of the past four years during which I have actually been able to drink. Needless to say, I was eagerly anticipating the party drink, particularly as everyone else there except my lovely pregnant friend were right into it.

While I was getting MissyMoo2 to sleep at the party, the beer and bubbly were flowing. Conversation grew more animated as the alcohol made everything more exciting to everyone. There was even a drinking game going on in one of the sitting rooms. It was much the same crowd I had hung out with at uni, so I thought we'd have a great time like we always had and that drinking my first sip of bubbly would grant me entry back into the world of carefree fun I seem to have left behind.

But it wasn't the same. From the first sip, I felt happily tipsy, but also uneasy. I wasn't used to the way the alcohol made me feel and I didn't like the feeling of losing control of myself, even a little bit. It didn't taste good, just ... potent. Then I started thinking about the kids. What if MissyMoo2 woke up (which of course she would with all the noise - and she did)? And I couldn't be headachy or tired when MissyMoo1 arrived courtesy of her grandparents the next day. I abruptly came to the stark realisation (which I had already known but was suppressing for the weekend away) that my life has changed - I have changed. I am responsible for other people now and I just don't feel comfortable doing the party thing any more. Now I have my fun in other ways.

I'm no longer thinking about how good it will be to be able to drink once I've weaned MissyMoo2. Yeah, it'll be okay to have one or two occasionally at home or with dinner. But it's been relegated to the back of my mind now thanks to my party observation reality check.

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