09 August 2011

Keeping the Faith

As I mentioned in my last post, things other than pregnancy have been my focus over the past week or so, with various health issues for family members filling my mind.

Hubby and I were talking about it on Friday night. I’m not often very poetic in my thoughts – imagery and analogy aren’t often how I process things, but the perfect imagery came to my mind just before we started talking about it and developed as I vocalised it.

Lately it has felt like waves have been washing over me, as if I am out in the ocean and each waves is a new problem, or new aspect to a problem. I’m trying so hard, putting in so much effort and it feels as though I’m barely treading water. I successfully float and get some air, only to have the next wave to wash over my head. Now I wonder, should I struggle against it, aiming for shore but getting nowhere? Should I just let the waves come, surrender, let the current carry me and see where it takes us?

The next night, with that image of sinking in the water still in the back of my mind, we were at Mass and the Gospel really stood out for me. It was where Peter and the other disciples were in a boat in the middle of the water and Jesus was away in the distance a bit. The disciples weren’t sure if it really was Jesus out there so Peter said to Jesus: “Lord, if it is you, tell me to come to you across the water”. Peter got out of the boat and began walking on water, but as soon as the wind picked up, he got scared and began to sink. Jesus grabbed Peter’s hand and pulled him up, saying “Man of little faith, why did you doubt?”

That reading brought to mind what I already knew: that as one problem has piled on top of another over the past week or two, my doubt has also increased. I haven’t prayed much, I’ve thought, what’s the point? I pray and these things are still happening to us. But as my mother-in-law said, the flip side is that maybe things could have been worse without the power of prayer. I don’t know. Whatever the case, the imagery of the waves in my own mind coupled with hearing Matthew’s gospel the next day made me sit up and take notice. I know I am not in control and it was just the jolt I needed to keep on keeping on. Hopefully, even if difficult situations in life arise (and let’s face it, they do for everyone), we can face the decisions we have to make with strength and wisdom – that’s what I’ll be praying for anyway.

2 comments:

  1. Thats very profound. I'm sorry that you are going through so much and yet glad that you manage to get such a positive message from this weekends Mass. I really didn't get a chance to absorb anything this weekend with all the chasing kids around the church but I do hope that somewhere up above I am chalking up some points for trying...

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  2. Thanks Gina. It's just been a bad news week but we'll get there. And dinner on Saturday night was great!

    I don't normally absorb much during Mass as most of my attention is taken up trying to keep the kids quiet, but that part about Peter falling into the water really got my attention.

    I'm hanging my hopes on getting points for trying! We can't do much better than that!

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