19 January 2012

Hip Hip Hooray!

MissyMoo3 (3 months) got her pavlik harness off today, yippee!!

I had thought about blogging yesterday in anticipation of the appointment, recording my hopes and fears. But I didn't. Yesterday I didn't want to think about any of it. I was too worried that things might not go well. I was worried that the harness might have to stay on for a few more weeks or, worse still, that MissyMoo3 would be put into a fixed brace.

This morning arrived and I tried not to let myself think about the possibility of having a harness-free baby. At this morning's first nappy change, I caught myself at the beginning of a thought about how easy it would be to change nappies without the harness on. But I didn't let it linger, just in case.

AtMissyMoo3's ultrasound I didn't look at the screen where the sonographer measured the angles, instead, I concentrated on keeping MissyMoo3 calm and distracted. At the end, the sonographer mentioned that things had improved so, having been given this opening, before being able to check myself I asked: "Are the angles close to 60 degrees?" and her reply was that they were around 60 degrees.

The magic 60 degrees.

A smile escaped onto my mouth.

But there was still an hour until the appointment and the doctor would probably be running late so I didn't allow myself to think on it. It was a mammoth exercise in self-control but I knew that if I even let a tiny drop of hope to linger, it would attract another, then another, and build up to something that would end in a waterfall of tears if the outcome wasn't as I had hoped. So I fed MissyMoo3 and read a book to pass the time, not entertaining original thoughts of any kind. Then Hubby arrived and we made our way to the doctor's appointment together.

Finally, after almost an hour of waiting past the appointment time, we received the news we were so longing to hear. The ultrasound was normal. Her hips felt fine.

FREEDOM!!!

It has only been a few hours but oh my how I have enjoyed them. So many small blessings.

I have fed her normally and held her close to me. She seemed so comfortable and at ease. Her soft little body fits so cosily into mine. Oh the cuddles! Nappy changes are so easy now - no manouvring under straps. She had a bath at home and thoroughly enjoyed it. After her bath I dressed her in a pretty outfit she received as a gift and had not been able to wear. I gleefully looked through her chest of drawers at all of the cute little outfits which no longer have to be buried under "wearable" clothing - it's all wearable now.

Another happy thought: MissyMoo3 will be harness-free for her Baptism.

Aah, It feels like I have my baby back. And she seems huge - now that her legs are stretched out she looks so much taller.

I have noticed lately that the fog over my eyes, mind and mood has been gradually thickening. I was aware of it, but I couldn't do anything to stop it. I had been on edge, just getting through day by day, feeling that I was trying my best (most of the time) but that it was not good enough. When the harness came off, it really felt like the fog had lifted. Everything was clear; I was seeing my baby again. My beautiful MissyMoo3, not hidden behind a contraption of treatment - just her.

I felt joy.

I also felt pride. I've said it in my head so much that I have three children, but this afternoon I really saw my family with three children; not two children and a baby in a harness. For 11 weeks now, Hubby and I have been looking forward to this day. Now it has come, and we can put that hurdle behind us and get on with enjoying these crazy kids a bit more easily.

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