27 May 2013

Hopes and Dreams of a Writer

I don't call myself a writer or an author. I don't even call myself a blogger. I call myself a mum, a wife and sometimes a lawyer.

Yes, I've written a book. But I haven't published it yet. To that end, I don't feel completely comfortable calling myself an author, although my friends do not agree. They say that I've written a novel, therefore I am an author. I'd like to say that too, but self-doubt prevents it.

My publishing plan is in its embryonic stage, currently in the state of limbo which I planned for this phase, to test out various opportunities before taking matters into my own hands. But I didn't anticipate it would be quite so difficult emotionally.

Today I was walking through Kmart with the younger MissyMoos on a quest to resupply the craft cupboard. My wandering inevitably led me past the book section. I found myself attracted to it. Seeing so many old favourites and new releases sitting on the shelf, seeing so many different authors' names - I wondered if I would ever see my name up there, I wondered what my book might look like one day.

One day.

The emotional side of me cannot reconcile this "one day". The novel is done. It is in PDF on my computer. Some of my friends have read and critiqued it.

But my head softly attempts to calm my nerves, calling for "patience".

I can't help hoping. I can't help dreaming. But I don't quite yet feel like celebrating. I feel like I'm simultaneously protecting myself from disappointment and doing myself a disservice. My mind, though, is generally cleverer than my heart, so I will listen to it. I just hope my heart can be rewarded in the end and satisfied in the meantime.

4 comments:

  1. Why not take the next step and load the PDF as a Kindle book, it's easy too do, no cost involved and then you really are a published author. That's what I did! :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Nikki, good idea. I have a bit of a plan I'm working towards, but I'd love to have a physical book to hold in my hands at the end of it :-)

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  2. I know that, given some time, you will do what is right for you. I consider you an author even though you haven't published your book yet - it is written, therefore it is.
    Have the best day !
    Me

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much for your support :-)

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